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The Eagle, Bryan, Texas, Robert Cessna column: Donnis gaining control of Prog Panel
Nov 06, 2009 (The Eagle - McClatchy-Tribune Information Services via COMTEX) --
Next year's guest pickers for The Eagle's 18-mammal Prognosticator Panel should be computer software salesmen.
A couple online readers suggested family and friends of anyone working for American Traffic Solutions. But a light (not red) went off in my head when I noticed the calls were from area code 480, which even I know isn't Wheelock or Bedias. I realize Prog is worldwide thanks to Wonder Dog Buddy Cessna and SportsTalk host Chip Howard, but Scottsdale, Ariz.? The callers had no idea who Mike Patranella was, so I knew it was a scam.
Others suggested College Station city councilmen for the panel. But if they don't have time to listen to voters, how are they going to find time to pick football games?
Luckily last week, I got a signed petition of one million Prog readers from Jim Ash stating that computer software salesmen get results.
Jim, who had triplets six years ago, hasn't been able to spend much time focusing on sports because of the kiddos and community service work. But he told me he received a green light earlier this week and would have time to match wits with Donnis, Chip, Mike and Buddy.
Maybe Jim can help in other ways. Buddy would like to see fire hydrants on every corner in College Station, but thus far he's been barking to himself. He was informed it was a safety issue -- at least that's what city officials were told by the firm in Connecticut they hired, which also produces pooper scoopers.
The only safe thing in Prog appears to be the lead of Eagle editor Donnis Baggett. Even dressing up couldn't mask his picking power. He had the best week -- again -- to frustrate Eagle sports editor Robert Premeaux and Chip, who can't seem to catch him.
"I'll withhold comment this week to give Mike Patranella more space," Donnis said.
Michael, the panel's poet, moved up three spots and passed fellow home builders Ronnie White and Michael Schaefer and the Eagle's Larry Bowen. He's only two picks from reaching the top row with a chance this week to leap Eagle publisher Jim Wilson, his bitter rival. And he's just a pick behind home builders Randall Pitcock and Randy French.
Michael, who played a lead role last week in a remake of Michael Jackson's Thriller, calls this week's words of wit "Pass 'em by II".
"Halloween came and Halloween left. At my picks like my prose I've become quite adept.
"The costumes were fun. They put smiles on our faces. And to no one's surprise I moved up three places.
"I called my shot 'bout Schaefer and Bowen. Like I predicted, a south they were going.
"But Wilson escaped, and I looked pathetic 'cause now I don't appear to be so prophetic.
"With vengeance I promise to catch him I will, but first there are others in front of me still.
"When Pitcock and French look in their rear-view mirror, they see only me getting nearer and nearer.
"Are they trembling with fright? Concerned with their plight? They are each one a warrior, worthy opponents and realizing the end is nearly upon us they research and study each game that Cease chooses, and pray to the Gods none of their picks loses.
"But after this week when it's over and done, I'll pass 'em on by and won't that be fun?"
Buddy matched Michael last week, but trails him by six picks.
"If Buddy Cessna can't beat Consigliere Mike, I vote we replace him with my dog Bandit," Jim said. "Heck, I've got a burrow that can pick better than those two. Patranella's picks 'sleep with the fishes.' He's got as much chance of winning this as a red-light camera has in College Station."
Added Chip, "I think Buddy would make a good home builder."
He certainly doesn't need to build one. He spends more time on my couch and bed than I do.
Randall is aware that the Poet is gaining on him one pick -- and one bad poetry line -- at a time, but he's content that Duane Faltysek is right ahead of him and Randy French right behind.
"Nice company," said the home builder and College Station school board member. "I haven't polled all of the other 108-72 records, but I think I'd like to trade Mike Patranella for maybe Ronnie White or Larry Bowen. You need to be able to trust the guy right behind you. Ask Buddy if he isn't glad that Patranella moved ahead of him?"
Buddy's contention is that Mike can be one of the fire hydrants, saving College Station some money.
Michael Schaefer's dog Cosmo didn't do his owner proud last week, costing him two spots in the standings.
"I was extremely spooked after I saw my results of last week's picks," Michael No. 2 said. "I lost nearly everything. I don't even have my Texans cap because my dog is still wearing it since the Texans are on a three-week roll. I am going to go with Indianapolis, so I can hopefully get my Texans cap back from Cosmo."
Coulter Mariott, who can thank Eagle sports writer David Campbell for keeping him out of last place, was the last to hand in his picks.
"Sorry I am late," he said. "Unfortunately work doesn't move aside for my picks each week. They told me that when I quit embarrassing the family they will give me adequate time to make my picks. So until then, we are going to have to make due with this."
I actually met Coulter for the first time this week -- while voting. He let me use his Gold Sheet for picking winners in the red-light camera vote. I hope that wasn't illegal.
Robert Cessna's e-mail address is robert.cessna@theeagle.com.
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